If you're like me you were absolutely floored. Eight? Only eight? At least we know now that about forty five people playing for the Panthers give really great head.
I immediately got up off my parents' couch and began pacing their living room, trying to figure out who these mysterious eight could be. Of course it wasn't a long pacing since the answers are glaringly obvious. There's a lot of suck on this team, but the suckiest suck in a way that defines them and sets them apart. So, in no particular order, the eight positions that Fox and co. deem needing a replacement.
Position 1: FS (Or as I like to call it the Deke Cooper experience)
Keep in mind this is a picture Cooper knew was being taken. Someone didn't just jump out from behind a corner to take this. This is actually what he looks like.
Deke Cooper was some piece of trash we picked up off the scrap heap to just have 11 men on the field. His interview was basically "Are you Marquand Manual? No? Here's a jersey."
When you look at his stats, they look modestly decent. Yeah, he has 50ish tackles and 3 interceptions, but anyone who watched his play knows what a useless asshole he is. He was constantly late to get over in coverage, he couldn't lay the wood, has absolutely no instincts out there, and is worthless in run support.
Fox was hoping to catch lightning in a bottle here and failed miserably.
Position 2: Deshaun Foster (Even my girlfriend knows he blows ass)
When you look at his stats, they look modestly decent. Yeah, he has 50ish tackles and 3 interceptions, but anyone who watched his play knows what a useless asshole he is. He was constantly late to get over in coverage, he couldn't lay the wood, has absolutely no instincts out there, and is worthless in run support.
Fox was hoping to catch lightning in a bottle here and failed miserably.
Position 2: Deshaun Foster (Even my girlfriend knows he blows ass)
Deshaun Foster has been good exactly three times in his career. One was on his first carry when he ran for eighty yards. His next carry he promptly broke his leg, ending his season and setting a trend.
The second time was when he was a backup to Stephen Davis. He came in when the defense was worn out and fooled us into believing he may be able to carry the load.
The third and last time anyone had any illusions of him being good was towards the end of the 2005 season where he became the 2nd leaving receiver behind Jesus.
Alright that's it. He's been miserable ever since. He's had two years to claim the starters spot and has failed to do so. See that picture up at the top? Yeah, that was five years ago. I'm tired of waiting around for him to stop hop scotching and actually hit a damn hole. I'm tired of him leading the league in fumbles for running backs. I'm tired of him not having scored ten rushing touchdowns in your entire career. Adrian Peterson does more scratching his balls than Foster accomplishes in a season. According to he fags at football outsider, he's the worst running back in the NFL.
Luckily we don't have to search far for a replacement. Foster will likely be traded for whatever the Panthers can get for him and DeAngelo will be promoted to the starter. All he's done is averaged 6 yards a carry so I guess he kinda deserves it.
I'll post the other six tomorrow when I'm not tired.
The second time was when he was a backup to Stephen Davis. He came in when the defense was worn out and fooled us into believing he may be able to carry the load.
The third and last time anyone had any illusions of him being good was towards the end of the 2005 season where he became the 2nd leaving receiver behind Jesus.
Alright that's it. He's been miserable ever since. He's had two years to claim the starters spot and has failed to do so. See that picture up at the top? Yeah, that was five years ago. I'm tired of waiting around for him to stop hop scotching and actually hit a damn hole. I'm tired of him leading the league in fumbles for running backs. I'm tired of him not having scored ten rushing touchdowns in your entire career. Adrian Peterson does more scratching his balls than Foster accomplishes in a season. According to he fags at football outsider, he's the worst running back in the NFL.
Luckily we don't have to search far for a replacement. Foster will likely be traded for whatever the Panthers can get for him and DeAngelo will be promoted to the starter. All he's done is averaged 6 yards a carry so I guess he kinda deserves it.
I'll post the other six tomorrow when I'm not tired.
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