In the Paint with Pep: Depth and Weapons Editions

Panthers.com has made it annual update and they apparently ignored my requests for more of DeAngelo Williams movie reviews. That's okay. You can keep banning my email accounts; I can always make more. And I will bitches. Oh yes. I will.

Today they've started their new feature! In the Paint with Pep! In case you didn't know, Julius Peppers was proof that if you're athletic enough in basketball, actual skills aren't that necessary.



This would later become the Chris Wilcox rule.

Anyway, here's the header from Panthers.com.

First there was the Colbert Campus Report, now there is In the Paint with Pep. Julius Peppers, who once helped lead the North Carolina Tar Heels to the Final Four, analyzes the college hoops scene for you from now until March Madness. See who his top seeds are, his game of the week and his upset of the week.

Well that's a fucking kiss of death. Quick, contact the Redskins and see if you can fleece a first out of them for him.

Just out of curiosity, let's see what he ranks everything.

1. North Carolina: I like the Heels. They have a lot of depth. A LOT of depth. They also have the best player in the nation in Tyler Hansbrough (right) and they have good coaching.

Not only do they have a lot of depth, but they have a LOT of depth. I wasn't aware that Quentin Thomas constituted depth anywhere but South Meck's JV squad. Julius also hasn't seen a single game this year and has only listened to the analysts because Tyler is clearly the second best player on the team behind Wayne the Rain and I'd argue Danny Green has become more important but whatever.

I may be alone with this but Roy Williams is overrated as shit. He could send one of those clapping monkey toys into a recruits house and have him sign. Hey Roy, how about more fadeaway threes in the last 2 minutes against Georgetown in the Elite 8 you stupid twat!

2. Memphis: They’re too explosive. They have a lot of weapons, and I like Joey Dorsey in the paint.

Really Julius? They're too explosive? Does that mean they don't need to suck down oxygen after every play? Maybe you should go see the same "doctor" that Calipari sends his players to.

3. Kansas: Just like the top two, they have a lot of depth and weapons, and Brandon Rush is a good leader for them.

Much like the first two they have a horrible tournament coach, depth, and weapons. Nothing like looking forward to Kansas' annual 2nd round exit!

4. Duke: I like Duke at four because they’re Duke. They have Coach K, and they have depth, too. They try to push the ball and play a Phoenix Suns style of basketball.

Oh eat a dick. They've beaten up on teams like Dupont and Miami of Ohio. They've lost the only real game they've played. Their tallest guy is like 6'3. Julius just wants everyone to know that he doesn't watch college basketball. You can add this to a long list of things he doesn't do, like getting pumped up for games, showing emotion, being a leader, and not getting AIDs.