That sound you hear is me screaming "Fuck!"

The Charlotte Observer has managed to ruin my week already with this article about Mike Rucker deciding that he still has something left in the tank.

Defensive end Mike Rucker is coming back, but he's not sure whether it will be with the Carolina Panthers.

Rucker's agent, Peter Schaffer, said Sunday that Rucker decided during their meetings in Phoenix this week to return for another season.

I guess Mike was inspired after watching the Giants do what the Panthers failed to do back in 2003. Hey Ruck, guess what? If you guys and your "vaunted" defensive line had managed to even sniff Tom Brady in that game, you probably would have gotten your ring and you grace us with a quiet dissolve into anonymity.

There had been speculation that Rucker might retire.

There was no fucking speculation! It was a goddamn foregone conclusion. He was utterly useless last year.

"Mike is fired up, motivated and looking forward to continuing his career," Schaffer said. "It's 100 percent."

100 percent hasn't applied to Mike Rucker in three years. He may think he's at one hundred, but really, he's about 63 percent of a player out there.

Listen, I love Mike Rucker. I do. He has been the model of consistency (read: slightly better than average) his entire career. He's been a leader on and off the field and probably deserves a statue once he retires. Give him and Minter one together. Whatever.

He has nothing left. At all. Some Rucker defenders out there will claim his bad season was due to Peppers vanishing on his herpes medication. If a player's productivity is contingent to the productivity of another (ie getting good matchups) then he's not much of a player at all. 2002 - 2006 could make ANYONE look good at defensive tackle.

The worst part about this is Fox is going to push for him to be resigned. Instead of turning the defense over to capable, vocal, desiring young players (Beason, Harris) he's going to keep Rucker in the way; a fucking useless albatross who instead of getting his players pumped up quotes them bible passages.

Tell me what pumps you up more. This?



Or this?



Oh well.

Welcome back Mike. I look forward to your "veteran presence." Maybe if we're lucky you'll get signed by the Patriots instead. They seem to like player well past their prime that can't make a tackle one on one.