DJ Hackett is ready to blow you away

Panthers give fans reason for the ticket increase; bring in DJ Hackett

By some act of god the Panthers signed DJ Hackett for peanuts.

Panthers agreed to terms with WR D.J. Hackett on a two-year, $3.5 million contract, according to Scout.com's Adam Caplan.

While Hackett has dealt with injuries, he's been highly productive when healthy and is only 26. In Carolina, he becomes the top candidate to start opposite Steve Smith with Muhsin Muhammad likely working from the slot. Dwayne Jarrett will compete with Ryne Robinson to be the fourth receiver. Hackett has vertical and red-zone ability and should draw some attention away from Smith. His addition is good news for all Panthers skill players besides Jarrett. Expect solid WR3/4 numbers if Hackett starts. Mar. 17 - 12:16 pm et

Marty Hurney must have pictures of DJ Hackett fucking a goat or something because that's less of a contract than Ashley Lelie got for Christ's sake.

Apparently Hackett really likes Charlotte for some reason and wants to play with Steve Smith. The coolest thing about this is the Panthers could go four wide with Smith, Hackett, Moose, and Ryne with DeAngelo chilling in the backfield.

Jake will have tons of weapons until his knee explodes next year.

D.J. Hackett does drugs

Apparently DJ Hakett does serious blow or something because the thinks the Panthers are a contender.

"His goal is to play for a playoff contender and he thinks the Panthers will be that with their quarterback (Jake Delhomme) healthy again," agent Kevin Robinson said. "And he really thinks Charlotte is a nice area."

Hackett would be a huge boost for Carolina, giving the team a No. 2 receiver opposite Steve Smith.

I really don't see the point of signing him when the Panthers are clearly in a rebuilding year, but I guess Jerry has to justify jacking up ticket prices again.

"Jerry, Jerry, what's going to make this 7-9 season better then all the other ones?"

"Well, we've got bigger scoreboards this year!"

According to the Seahawks team page, he's married, which makes sense because Charlotte is apparently the married man's paradise, what with the complete lack of good strip clubs and all. I guess it's a good signing since Dwayne Jarrett is a drunken cock sucker and all, but still, who cares. Hackett plays like four games and Carolina of course doesn't expect its players to stay healthy so this is a perfect fit.

If they give him more that 5mil over 2 years with a team option for a third at 4mil then I will be pissed.

Hartwig cut; Tickeyts lying on the shelf in Atlanta

The Panthers decided to cut dead, useless, injured weight with a stupid hair cut.

Panthers released C Justin Hartwig.

Ryan Kalil will start at center. The Panthers had planned on having Hartwig slide over to the guard, but he was never keen on the idea so they tried to trade him. When they couldn't find a taker, they cut the injury-prone lineman. The move clears up $2.1 million in salary cap space. Keydrick Vincent should win the guard job, but Geoff Hangartner will also get a shot.

Hartwig couldn't stay healthy, probably because he's a giant vagina. He's so bad he makes Kemo'eatu not be the worst free agent signing of 2006 which is almost unimaginable. He was a little bitch about moving to guard so Fox was like "lata bitch."

I guess this means Kalil plays center now, which is kind of scary because it didn't look last season like he'd ever been on a football field before. I have the feeling Kalil would be more comfortable selling discount tires or something. Also, Hangartner better win the guard position. All that fucker does is be awesome and gets absolutely no respect.

Also, take your time buying Panthers tickets for the game in Atlanta.

Falcons re-signed Joey Harrington to an undisclosed contract, according to NFL Network's Adam Schefter.
Getting cut in a salary cap move, then re-signing less than a week later is a sign your NFL juice is gone. Harrington made the right move to return, because he still has a legitimate chance at starting over Chris Redman or a rookie to be named later. He can be a capable backup, but tends to fade when he starts for long stretches. Mar. 11 - 5:47 pm et

Nothing reenergizes a fan base like resigning the shitty QB you just cut that not even Al Davis would sign. The Falcons have pretty much stopped caring at this point and who can really blame them? You can't give Falcons tickets away these days. Homeless people are burning them in drums when they get cold, and people get cold here when it's like seventy degrees so that's a lot of tickets.

Dwayne Jarrett is rolling. You hating.

Dwayne Jarrett's dumb ass got pulled over for a DWI last night.

What the hell is wrong with this stupid bastard.

Alright, last year this really hot chick I know who basically sluts around all the Charlotte clubs (yeah there's like three) says she saw him all the time in the preseason at whatever club, drinking the place dry and throwing cash around like he made more than 1 million dollars.

Also the rumor I hear is that he's broke as shit. He was probably high off Nyquil when he got pulled over.

Charles Chandler is stupid; eats wall paste

Okay so I was really focusing on my schoolwork (watching porn) when I saw this.

Panthers | Team will likely draft a RB
Sun, 9 Mar 2008 18:47:33 -0700 Charles Chandler, of the Charlotte Observer, reports the Carolina Panthers will likely draft a running back during the 2008 NFL Draft.

Surely this had to be a mistake so I ran over to the Charlotte Observer's website and, after suffering through about thirty ads for dick enlargement pills saw, to my horror....nothing. I couldn't find this anywhere. Actually, it's more like I can't find it. Because I didn't do any research before I started writing this. I just sorta stopped eating Cheerios for a minute and began to type. Um, hm, well, don't want to delete what I've written already.

Let me just say this; to everyone that thinks the Panthers are going to draft a running back in the first round, you should go jump off a bridge or something. That's the last thing Hurney needs in his ear. This is the greatest running back draft the NFL has ever seen. They're probably going to accidentally draft a Hall of Famer in round sixth just like everyone else. It will turn out the faceless tight end we draft in the fifth was actually a running back in high school and will go nuts one day.

The Panthers need offensive line help. Chandler is right, if not a little uninspired and uncreative. The Panthers are going to draft a running back. However, if they draft one in the first, with all the more glaring now that Foster is finally off the team, they will be just as dumb as I pretend they are on here. They need a left tackle, not a fucking backup running back.

And now, um, this.

Listen I'm busy with school.

So fuck off for a bit. Quit emailing me. I have to finish my theatre degree so I can serve you pancakes.