Alright here's my analysis of what just happened today.

That was pretty horrible. I was in a very dark place for a while. The thought of another Sean Gilbert scenario with trading away picks made me want to vomit. Generally you don't trade away first rounders unless it's for a VERY proven commodity. Trading a 2009 first to get back into the 2008 first to draft someone you passed on just makes no sense to me. So he wasn't worth a first this year, but he was worth a first NEXT year, plus a second and a fourth? Jesus Christ.

Anyway, let's try to rationalize this.

The Panthers had four needs at the start of the day. They need an offense and defense tackle, as well as a defensive end. That's where there first round pick had to go.

The draft worked out.....oddly. Both good defensive tackles, Ellis and Dorsey, were off the board. Jacksonville had already made what many were saying was the dumbest trade of the draft (ha!) to grab Harvey. Clady had just gone off the board. That means that the best offensive tackle, and also most likely the best player on our board period, was probably Chris Williams.

Then they noticed Johnathan Stewart sitting there.

I guess I can see the logic here. Johnathan Stewart is basically a young Jamal Lewis before the cocaine and prison rape. The NFL is definitely moving to (if it's not already there) a running back by committee style. Both Super Bowl teams played about thirteen running backs a piece. Stewart is pretty much a monster. He can fill the role that Stephen Davis did in 2003 and to a lesser extent in 2005.

Then....good christ I'm not sure what happened. I guess they realized that after Otah the level of talent in the tackle pool was completely non existent. They also must think that they have the talent to compete this year and that there wasn't anyone worth their attention in the second round that could compete right away. Also that their first rounder next year won't be worth that much. Their first rounders after going to the playoffs have been an underachieving CB and a RB they seem dead set against play.

Overall, this is very strange and out of character for Fox and Hurney. They've moved up before (with Gamble) but never to this degree, and generally they've been ones to get more picks, not sacrifice them. They're getting some guy who, while being an absolute physical monster, is straight out of fucking Nigeria who has been playing organized football for about twenty minutes.

This was a huge fucking gamble for Fox, and it's obvious that he realizes he's on the hot seat. As my buddy noted, "Fox just went all in with a jack and ten suited." He's right.

Keep in mind, John. If this doesn't work I'm going to fucking find you.

Guess who's back. Back again.

Welcome back to the third best sarcastic blog on the internet dedicated to the Carolina Panthers! The other two are kind midget porn sites but dammit if they don't get the Panthers right sometimes. I've just aced* all of my finals and it's time for me to waste the hours at the aquarium by bitching about every single the Panthers do. And this is just in time for the 2008 NFL draft, which I may be blogging live from! And by live from the draft, I mean a bar in Atlanta where I'll be stealing internet from the Maaco across the street. Anyhoo, let's see what the experts are saying!

Darin Gantt says...

The longer this goes, I think the best scenario for the Panthers to go OL in the first if they move up or down. If they stay put (unless Clady or Albert slips), it looks more like RB or DE. Of course, I've got a hunch they might make a move up if Sedrick Ellis is within reach, which could make the early blocker talk moot.

Basically the Panthers need to draft Offensive Tackle or Defensive Tackle. That's it. The flat out don't have anyone to play LT right now. Travelle Wharton has decided he can't handle the pressure and is moving to guard. Jordan Gross is better on the right side. Jeremy Bridges is useless without a gun. At DT, they have Kemo's worthless ass and a third down pass rusher. At least they signed someone at DE (Tyler Brayton). They've got literally nothing at Defensive Tackle and that shit has to be addressed. Unfortunately, Darin is the only one that got it right.

I've read all kinds of theories about who the Panthers are going to draft. Derrick Harvey is going to come in and be that starting RDE for years to come and eventually take over for Peppers once his syphilis becomes too much to bare. Matt Ryan is the QB of the future even though Jake Delhomme is almost fully recovered and Matt Moore is too busy being awesome. Maybe we can draft another running back like Johnathan Stewart because damn we haven't had enough injury prone running backs who beat up on weak competition in the Pac - 10.

Fuck it. It's time for me to bust out my Panthers' computer to figure this out.

Alright, time to input our data.

No Preferences with Conference: Fox and Hurney haven't really shown a propensity towards one conference or the other when it comes to their first pick in the first round. Since 2002, they've gone ACC, Mountain West, Big 10, SEC, Conference USA, and ACC. They're pretty much all over the place. So it's not like Atlanta drafting almost exclusively out of Virginia Tech or anything.

Will move around on Draft Day: With both Chris Gamble and Jon Beason, the Panthers moved around in the first to get their guy. Now they've only done this twice, but it shows they're not afraid to do it. Unlike San Francisco who was so terrified of trading on draft day that they ending up getting Alex Smith. How's that working out shit heads.

Don't necessarily draft for need: Neither Chris Gamble, DeAngelo Williams, or Thomas Davis were really need picks. The Panthers had just got to the Super Bowl with Ricky Manning Jr. and his merry band of assholes when they decided they just couldn't let Chris Gamble sit there. They still had Deshaun Foster when they took Williams in the first, and Thomas Davis was brought in to play fucking safety. They definitely have a penchant for the best player available.

Not Afraid to Reach....for shit: Like stated above, Chris Gamble shouldn't have been drafted.....at all. Still the Panthers felt he was a first rounder. Thomas Davis probably should have gone lower, even though he's turned into a damn fine linebacker.

Let me just stick all that into the computer, wind the crank a little bit, and uh, hmm, let's get this going......

DESHAUN JACKSON

Oh my god no.

Well, I guess it makes sense. They really love Pac - 10 receivers (Colbert, Jarrett, Keyshawn), they like to reach, and it doesn't fill a position of need.

You may laugh now but just wait until we line up Smith - Moose - Hackett - Jackson - Robinson - Jarrett next year in the first 6 WR formation.

Oh god.